A moment of wild passion took your friendship from lukewarm to steaming hot, and now you have the title of “Friends with Benefits.” At first everything was great, right? No strings attached; just great sex with someone you trust. So where did everything go so terribly wrong? When you flipped the script and developed feelings, you changed the rules of the game.
First, realize that what you’re feeling isn’t necessarily wrong. It just is. You feel what you feel and you’re going to have to deal with it in the best way possible.
The Right Thing
There is no right answer that fits every situation. Doing the right thing is completely relative, or in other words dependent on how you view the situation. Keep in mind that normally the right thing to do, is the hardest thing to do. Eventually, you’re going to have to face your fears in this situation. The question is, how long are you going to put it off?
Sex and Love
Take the time to really explore your feelings. Do you feel more than friendship because you’re in a physical relationship, or because you have a deep soul stirring love for your friend? Would you feel the same without sex? Be honest. Many people link sex with love in their minds, even if they don’t realize it or admit it. If your friend were in an accident and couldn’t have sex anymore, would you feel the same affection or love?
Your Own Advice
Before you make a decision about the situation, imagine that one of your friends were in your place and think about what advice you would give. Close your eyes and imagine that you are looking down on yourself; watching yourself in a movie. What should that person do? Take your own advice.
What You Shouldn’t Do
The one thing you shouldn’t do, is nothing. You can’t pretend that your feelings haven’t changed and keep having casual sex with your friend. If you do, you are only delaying the inevitable. One of four things is going to happen:
- Your friend won’t have the same feelings but will remain your friend (awesome).
- Your friend will say, “Oh wow, I was afraid to tell you I feel the same way,” (really awesome).
- Your friend will be a total jerk and end your so called friendship (lame but possible).
- You will stay silent about your feelings and be hurt when your friend hooks up with someone else (not a viable option).
No matter what you do, you are going to have to be brave. Look at it this way, if you don’t speak up then nothing is going to change. If you don’t try, you absolutely won’t get what you want. You have to take the shot to win the game.
Even if your friend doesn’t have the same feelings, you will feel better knowing that you said what you needed to. You’ll never look back on the situation with regret and wonder what could have been, because you were honest and open. Say what you need to say.
Steve Anderson, founder of Fuck buddy, is committed to guiding his readers through the ups and downs of finding and leaving love. As an author and expert in the field of dating she aspires to create content that is tailor-made for the modern dating world.
Growing up, Steve observed his parents’ grow in love and commitment with every year they were married. But, following a series of tough break-ups, Steve discovered that finding true love wasn’t as easy as he had thought. he then decided to pursue a career as a dating coach. Through his educational and life experience he learned that each situation requires a personalized approach, dependent on the values and desires of each of his clients. Since then he has become a sought-after expert on the nature of the dating game and how to win at it!